Andrea DeNardis

how does one rinse away the bitter taste left in their mouth? it seems no matter what is used, it lingers…

finally, the baby has a gender! no more calling her it. and yes, her means she is a girl.

while growing up, i did all the dreaming about having kids… coming from a large family i guess it was just something i always thought about. i thought by now i would have two or three, but life doesnt always go according to plan. i also had a vision of having only boys. everyone the past couple months have said “youre having a girl.. i can just feel it”. so, naturally, i began to believe it. i read little things that indicate whether its a boy or girl, but of course i know those things arent accurate. and low and behold (is that the saying?), we have a girl :-)

a girl. gross. girls are so annoying and sassy and hard to understand… and girls go through so many changes, its almost hard to keep track of. but this little girl is mine. i like to believe God put foxy in my life to change my view on dogs (well, animals in general) and it worked… i ask to pet strangers dogs and i help take lost ones home. i even contemplate getting another because i want foxy to have a little friend to bum around with all day. so perhaps, God is giving me a girl to help me change my perception on them, er, us?

i know i will always find her to be a beautiful little girl… after all, shes going to take after me, atleast a little. i cant wait to give her her first barbie. i cant wait to put her hair in ribbons and bows. i cant wait to show her how to do her makeup. i cant wait to have a “girls night” and eat popcorn and watch our favorite movies. i cant wait to give her art the way my mom gave me.

nick and i have talked about what we “hoped” the baby would be even before we were pregnant and although originally i wanted boys, in the end, i had no preference… nick didnt either. and maybe this is going to sound cheesy, but his lack of wanting a specific gender made me fall in love with him all over again. i cant wait for nick to show her its okay to get dirty. i cant wait for him to show her its not scary to climb a tree. i cant wait for him to teach her how to swim (Lord knows i would only show her how to stay afloat). i cant wait for him to show her love only a dad can provide.

its strange how after five months, its just now starting to feel real. i probably have the same hopes and dreams as all mothers, but it still feels like its only happening to me. i know im not the first to have a child, but its such an amazing feeling that it feels like noone can relate… although millions can :-x i always hear that becoming a mom for the first time is something you cant describe, and its true… how do i describe it? i cant.

[i cant wait for her and foxy to become best friends.]

just logging… no big deal [im so bad at this.]

my previous entry makes me happy.  everytime i came here to log, i would reread that post and it puts me in a happy place so then i would loose motivation to write.. type?  [technicalities.]

well, being pregnant has so far been a wonderful experience.  not getting the “normal” sickness a large percentage of women get, especially during their first pregnancy, has made it a bit easier.  although, one thing i will say is my emotions are slowly becoming more… emotional?  an elderly man fell at church on sunday and i instantly had tears in my eyes!  all i could think about was how his day was ruined cause they took him to the hospital, and how he might be embarrassed, and that he was alone so he had to goto the hospital alone.  my thoughts just went out of control!  i even said two or three prayers for him throughout mass.  [his name was alex.]

today, nick made an inside joke via twitter and it made me smile so big… and then my eyes teared up again!  it just made me miss him.  and it reminded me of how happy and lucky i am to have him in my life.  and even though i thank God for him daily, this little tiny joke, one that no one else would find funny even if i explained it to them, made me so happy. [<3]

also!  whenever i see foxy in the window when i drive away, i feel so incredibly sad and guilty.  i know shes just a dog, and that shes used to being alone, but i know i hate being alone… maybe she hates it too.  [we are so much alike.]  most would say i talk to myself, but i swear, foxy listens to everything i am saying… she makes me feel less lonely.

maybe i will do this again sometime… maybe… tomorrow.  [maybe.]

so far, my favorite trips with nick have been road trips through our beautiful state of michigan.  earlier this year, we went to traverse city.  i loooved that mini vacation.  it was neat cause we brought foxy.  this past weekend, we decided to goto mackinaw.

i have always wanted to go north to see the changing of the leaves.  no other weekend worked out except this one.  we boarded the dog this time and set out on our little adventure friday night.  we stayed in gladwin and began our travels to mackinaw saturday morning.  as we were driving, i was getting pretty excited seeing all the colored leaves on the sides of the expressway.

but as we got closer, the leaves began to look more and more green.  turns out, we were a week too early.  but we made the most of the random weekend.

our hotel was located in mackinaw city but we couldnt check in till 3pm, so we walked around the city and got a bite to eat.  i talked nick into going into a 3D mirror maze.  we walked into a couple mirrors… as expected :-x we also went over the bridge to visit the U.P.  it was chilly, but so beautiful :-)

we climbed up “castle rock” as suggested by one of nicks friends.  it was over 150 stairs… needless to say i needed a couple breaks.  once we made it to the top though, it was awesome!  trees and trees!!  and also lake huron and… expressway!

we went to the “mystery spot“… and defied gravity.  made me a little nauseous, but worth it.  afterwards, we went zip lining.  that is an experience everyone should do… its quick, exhilarating, and safe (i wish i had pictures of the zip lining :-( )

*blurry photo = n00b.

that evening we went to dinner.  while zip lining, one of the “yooper” locals recommended we try a pastie.  after looking up images of them on google, we decided to go with a different recommendation of the dixie saloon.  just your average burger place.  our waitress was pretty good at the beginning. .  after giving us our food, she was MIA for about 30min.  nick set his empty beer glass on the edge of the table to see how long it would take her to offer another… she then walked past to let us know the computers were down so it might take a minute to give us the bill.  she asked if i wanted another diet which i replied with “no thanks”… i never ordered a diet to begin with so to have another would be impossible anyways.  once we were done eating, we literally sat and waited for our bill for an hour.  she never once came to our table to update us on the computer or to offer water.  nick asked another waitress where ours went.  meanwhile, another table was complaining about the wait to the manager.  we finally got our bill where she said “have a good night” as she was walking away.  0.01 tip.  sorry, but you sucked.

we got back to the hotel and decided to go swimming!  i love hotels with pools!!!  afterward, we just watched some television and went to sleep.  sooo tired!  the following day, we went to church, saw a wooden turkey head, walked around the city some more and headed home.  we made it back in about 4 hours which is about normal timing except we made a couple stops and was stuck in traffic for a bit… so without all that junk, we technically couldve made it home in under 4.  ridiculous.

its crazy how you spend most of your spare time with one person and you still dont know everything about them.  i learned alot about nick these last couple days, all of which made me love and appreciate him even more <3 (barf)

this entry was far longer then i intended… a couple things i didnt mention:  poorly reviewed pizza (pretty good actually), hoodie for foxy, repeat buttcrack offender, and overwhelmed by pancakes.

i havent written in here in literally like 6 months and i chose to write about my puppy.

coincidentally, she got loose today and my heart raced faster then i knew it could… i really do love the little thing.

God is awesome though cause just as i discovered she was gone, nicks dad pulled in the driveway.  he left work early today… of all days!  he came by to drop off a couple things.  he texted me asking if i were home, but this was after the fact and when he pulled in i said “do you have my dog?” he did not, but how crazy of timing!!  we found her in the neighbors yard behind ours.

thank you God for keeping my pup safe.  my heart would have died a thousand times if something bad would have happened to her.

having a dog has really changed my life.  i think about it regularly.  one of my biggest fears was dogs… every dog was mean until it proved itself nice.  now its the opposite.  every dog is nice until it shows me its not.

i never wanted a dog.  nick always has had them.  most people love dogs.  me, not so much.  after meeting foxy for the first time, i fell instantly in love!  i think a lot of that was due to me wanting to take care of something… no babies here so a puppy will do.  and it is pretty much like having a baby.  eat, poop, play, sleep.

yesterday people kept saying to me “happy mothers day” and at first i figured it was just like when you say to someone “happy birthday” and they say “you too”, like, habit i guess… but then i started laughing every time someone said it to me and they would either say one of two things “maybe soon? *wink wink*” or “you are a mom, you have a puppy!”  and both are true… maybe i will be a mom soon *wink wink* and yes, i do have a puppy that depends on me for everything!!  so i guess it is like being a mom

never in a MILLION years would i have ever seen myself owning a dog let alone putting me on almost the same level as motherhood because of it.  i guess you never know how much love your heart really has until something you needed that you didnt really know you needed enters your life.  foxy is my little puppy wup and i love her so dear.  only God could have paired me with such a perfect pet at such a perfect time to take away the fear i had.

i need to get over the fact that some people are fucking morons and there’s nothing i can say or do to change it… i see things for how they are and when i say it outloud, i am called a jerk.  i dont get it.  i mean, i do get it.  people dont want to hear whats right in front of thier faces, or atleast they dont want to hear someone so vocal about it.  i try to think of my flaws and work on them daily, but its hard.  i guess one of my flaws is not realizing when to keep my mouth shut, or when to stop, or that some people actually dont care to hear what i have to say.

its hard to imagine someone not liking you.  and i think about this every day… did i just say something to put a poor impression of myself on someone?  did i just change someones view of me cause of what i just did?  so i am very careful on how i word things and who i say things to… i know who cares and who doesnt.  i can tell by the way someone responds whether not to continue with a “conversation”… but its hard.  i get it though.  and i get that they are different but the same.  i dont care what you have to say at times etiher because most of the time its irrelivant to what im thinking.  you are a waste of my time.  and im done spending my precious moments on what is just nothing more but throwing them out the window.

this probably makes no sense to those who actually read this silly thing [that i never update].  or maybe theres someone who gets what im trying to say.  or maybe, if this is possible, there is someone who understands it more then me.  either way, who gives a fuck.

dang, im not really good at updating this thing… and it seems when i do update, i always have to make a remark about how i dont.

i was just doing some thinking as i was walking around my house this lovely friday morning.  how simple household chores can turn into a disaster.  it makes me laugh when i look back over the past year at some of the things that i never thought would happen.

dishwasher:
we just moved in.  actually, i believe this was before i officially moved in.  nick was working so i decided i was going to spend a whole day cleaning the kitchen.  it was super gross.  when it came to tackling the fridge, i knew i was in a time consuming zone.  i decided to soak the shelves and drawers and things but then try shoving as much as possible into the dishwasher.  i felt so cool…  my own fridge.  my own dishwasher.  my own mind thinking of ways to multitask.  i put all this shit in the dishwasher, found some soap, and away i went!  i was scrubbing the bottom of the fridge when i noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye… soap.  everywhere!  it was oozing out of the damn dishwasher!!!  i sat there thinking to myself “fuck”.  and the worst part, the kitchen is carpeted (yuckie, i know).  after sitting there for a few seconds in shock, i jumped up and opened the dishwasher door.  soap suds EVERYWHERE!!  i called nick, feeling incredibly stupid, and told him about the soap attack.  he asked me one question:  “did you use dish soap or dishwasher detergent?”  i didnt even answer him cause we both knew the answer.  later, nicks mom texted me and said “nicks stopping by after work.  you need anything?”  i just replied with “a turkey baster”.  she didnt ask questions.  she just said back “lol, ok!”  i scooped out all the suds and threw them into the sink and garbages.  once i got the turkey baster, i sucked all the water out of the bottom of the machine.  nick thought for sure i broke the thing.  lesson learned.

closet:
nick and i love wood floors.  we really want to get rid of the carpeting in our bedroom.  we decided to check if our room had wood flooring underneath the carpet.  nick decided to check a corner our closet instead of the actual bedroom.  he pulled up the corner and score!  wood floors!!  now, nick and i have a huge walk-in closet… im talking HUGE!  i decided to start taking up the carpet one day while nick was gone.  i wanted to do it in sections, so i started in the closet and cut a line in the carpet just before the bedroom.  i tore up the carpet, piece of cake.  then, the hard part. i took out all the nail strips that hold the carpet down around the edge.  lastly i went around the floor pulling up any staples i came across.  i guess the process isnt what you call hard, but it is manual labor and time comsuming.  i cleaned it all up and was super excited to start the bedroom.  i pulled up the tinest peice of carpet to peek and was saddend to find that it was ply wood.  i dont think this was a lesson learned as much as it was just a plain old let down.

oil:
this just happened last week :-x  i wanted to make manocotti.  i was soooo excited!  i was going to make my dads homemade sauce for the first time by myself.  mary came over to walk me through it.  normally it cooks over low heat all day, so being i only had about 3 1/2 hours, i needed to hurry and get it going.  while waiting for mary, i did the first step, bring a thin layer of oil to a simmer.  i put that together, then stepped away for a few while i waited.  i got super distracted… im talking, super.  i went back into the kitchen to find the pan scorched and the oil spitting everywhere!  i tried scrapping the bottom of the pan with a plastic spoon, but after no luck, i decided to start over.  i brought the pan over to the sink, and without thinking, turned on the faucet.  BAM!  and explosion occured!  i dropped the pan causing the damn thing spit at me (my one had now looks like i drew polka dots on it) and the faucet was still running!  i hurried to shut the water off but it didnt matter.  the damage was already done.  it exploded a couple more times getting oil EVERYWHERE!  my kitched sink is below a “window” that opens into the living room.  the oil had spit all over my couch!  i was about to die.  my whole house was smokey, so i opened as many windows and doors as possible.  mary came over finding me cleaning and asked what happened.  she googles how to get rid of oil on apolstry.  luckly, most came out.  i thought nick was going to kill me!  after about an hour of airing out the house, i went to close a couple of the windows to see a bug fly out of my doorwall.  the screen wasnt closed!  i had my doorwall WIDE OPEN for an hour!  who knows what unwanted creepy crawlers are roaming around my house!  lesson learned.

i know in the years to come, especailly after having kids, there will be more of these.  its all apart of owning your own home i suppose.  i just hate how they are unexpected and unwanted at times.  there are probably more i can write about, but im just going to leave it at these for now.